


Eyes Are at the Billions

by mytimehaspassed



Category: Black Donnellys
Genre: M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-10
Updated: 2010-06-10
Packaged: 2017-10-22 06:07:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/234707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mytimehaspassed/pseuds/mytimehaspassed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The thing is, everyone on the street knows that you Donnelly boys share beds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eyes Are at the Billions

**EYES ARE AT THE BILLIONS**  
THE BLACK DONNELLYS  
Jimmy/Tommy; Tommy/Kevin; Jimmy/Kevin  
 **WARNINGS** : unrequited love; drug use

  
The thing is, everyone on the street knows that you Donnelly boys share beds. And those old guys, those junkie kids, the thing is, they might have been drunk most of the time, stumbling into the Firecracker for a wake, stumbling in for a birthday party or a graduation, whatever holiday the Irish could come up with next – Joey Ice Cream and his stupid grin, his stupid philosophies, he’ll smirk and say, “It’s a celebration somewhere,” his hand ready on the tap – see, the thing is, they might always be out of it, they might always be intoxicated, but they’re not stupid. Joey Ice Cream and his stupid secrets, the way he knows, but doesn’t, the way he chooses not to see, the way his eyes light up when Kevin comes into the room, the way Joey Ice Cream just knows, but doesn’t want to.

See, the thing is, in this neighborhood, your family’s business is your own.

And Jimmy isn’t even discreet, not late at night, not like this, the way he bites at your shoulder, digs his teeth into the soft skin there, see, sometimes you think your Ma’s going deaf with the way he groans like this. The way his eyes roll back, his arm wrapped around your chest from behind, the way his hand fits perfect against your mouth. Sometimes, you think your Ma’s just as blind as the rest of them, knowing somewhere in the back of her head, knowing what goes on when the lights shut off, when the door closes behind you both, Jimmy’s sweet smile, knowing but not wanting to. Sometimes you think this would all feel a lot better if you made them see, if you screamed loud enough for everyone to hear. Sometimes you think, the way Jimmy scratches at your back, your chest, the claw marks he leaves there, the way your neck turns red, swells, the way you pull your collar up in the morning, the dead eyes that stare back at you in the mirror, sometimes you think if you just told somebody that this could actually all be okay.

Those days Jimmy goes off to get high, those days before you even really knew what he was doing, before you didn’t even see, really, when you should have, really, when it was so fucking obvious, those days Jimmy doesn’t come home until the next morning, it’s Kevin’s turn. And it’s so funny because, if anything, Kevin’s always looked up to you two. If anything, those times you know he’s seen you, you and Jimmy, with Jimmy’s hand pressed tight against your mouth, his fingers stretching your skin taut, stretching it hard enough to leave bruises, the ones you swipe your tongue at, later, the ones that never really go away. Those times Kevin would stand by the door and peek in through the crack, peek in through the empty doorknob, the one you never got a chance to fix, those times Kevin would watch Jimmy push you against the wall, flat against your back, the way you two fought like it was all some kind of game, the way you would finally give in. With Jimmy’s lips and teeth and hands all over yours, all over you, with Jimmy and the way he just never let you go, just never left you alone, those times Kevin would want so bad to be in your place.

Those days Jimmy goes off to be with the newest junkie of the week, with whatever he could score, before you ever even knew about this, before you even wanted to see, Kevin would tiptoe into your room and climb into your bed. At first, it was all just a game, a way he could get closer to you, one more way he could follow in his brothers’ footsteps, Kevin the little puppy dog, Kevin the one that’s always been left out, see, Kevin’s not stupid, see, Kevin wants in on this. And, see, the thing is, Kevin’s never been lucky, not since your father died, not since he picked that horse, but this, this here, as Kevin slides his hand slowly over the comforter, slowly over your chest, the soft skin of your cheeks, this is pretty much the biggest pot he could ever win. This is pretty much the fucking lottery right here.

Those days Jimmy leaves without a word, the way you curl up in your bed, under the covers, the sheets cold against your skin, the way they smell just like Jimmy, at first, it was just because you didn’t have anyone else. Kevin and his warm body next to yours, Kevin and his lips and teeth and hands, the way he breathes out against the hollow of your neck, the way he bites your shoulder just like he’s seen Jimmy do, see, it’s funny because Kevin’s shit at gambling, but he’s a fantastic actor. And it’s funny because when he lets go of your mouth, those fingers that leave bruises, those fingers just like Jimmy’s, see, when he takes away that pressure, when he forgets to hold on tight, the way you moan loud enough that you’re sure Ma can hear. The way you moan loud enough that you’re sure the whole fucking neighborhood can hear, those things they know but don’t want to, those things they don’t want to see, it’s funny because when Kevin slides his hand off your mouth, he doesn’t even flinch when you call him Jimmy.

And, see, the thing is, in this neighborhood here, the way those old farts look at you behind the bar at the Firecracker, the way they smile and joke and laugh, those old Irish proverbs, those old racist jokes you’ve heard on one too many street corners, those stupid quips and punch lines, all those old sayings, it’s funny because none of this was where you wanted to be. Jimmy off getting high somewhere, the way you knew but didn’t want to, the way you just pretended not to see, and Kevin here as your outlet, as all the things you’ve wanted but could never have, you never pictured yourself staying behind in this shithole because you always figured you’d get out. Somehow, some way, that stupid art school, all those stupid drawings, the way Jimmy snorts and laughs when he catches you sketching out something on paper napkins, the way you find paintings you should have burned hanging above Kevin’s bed because he’d found where you had hid them. Somehow, this stupid talent of yours, and see, it’s funny because, you always figured you would have been discovered by now, the way Jenny smiles when she sees you outlining the lines and contours of her face in charcoal, the thing is, you always figured you’d be long gone by now.

All those people in the neighborhood that know, but don’t, that have figured out what you boys do behind closed doors, when the lights shut off at night, all those old guys sitting on stools in the Firecracker, all those junkie kids, the way they just know. The way they just pretend not to see.

See, the thing is, by now, you always figured you’d have left your family behind.


End file.
